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Dec. 28th, 2006 | 11:26 am

It's been quite a while since I last posted. I feel like a bit of a bad friend. So many people send me messages that make me so happy...then I say "I'll write them a nice note later..." Of coure it never happens. Sorry. Life is just taking a strange turn. It's very good. Ian and I are about to celebrate one year of being together on January 12th. It has been and interesting rollercoaster, but I figure at this point both of us have invested so much time, emotion, and energy in each other that I don't think we could end our relationship if we tried. I'm not trying to sound morbid...just that my track record with men had made me very leary of things lasting. I love Ian with all my heart, and I can't imagine my life without him. He hems and haws about getting married, sometimes he wants it, sometimes he doesn't. I'm not particularly keen on the idea, but if he decides he wants that to be a part of his life I suppose you will all be invited to a big gay wedding. Okay, the point is that I am going to try to be a better friend. I'm sick so this was probably not the best time to write this...whatever. Ian and I are going to NYC for NYE. That is very exciting. I have not yet been to NYC and am thrilled. I'll tell you all about it when we get home! For now I know that we are staying at the Helmsley Tower Hotel on the upper east side, we are not going to do times square (no booze, no bathrooms, cant leave the area and come back in, have to get there around 3p to get a good view...I don't think so!) I know that we are 7 blocks from Central Park and will eat Park Pizza in the park for lunch every day. More to come

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May. 12th, 2006 | 03:09 pm

Before this past weekend, I had never been to Florida. I have always been a California boy.

The trip there was okay, I'm not big on flying. I arrived at about 3p and Ian was at the airport to meet me, birthday presents in hand. We waited for the shuttle to take us to the hotel where we were to pick up the rental car. That was our first strike of good luck. I rented a car on Orbitz.com for us15 per day. The guy at the rental place gave me a free upgrade to a convertible! The top was down in about 10 seconds and we were off to the hotel. Ian kept telling me that the hotel was a dump...but it was great

We hung out for a little bit and took a cab to South Beach for supper....what a freak show! Half the women go out for drinks wearing a g-string, a small "bra" and some sort of netting over it all....freak show, but wonderful, none the less. We found one of our favorite places that night, Pelican. We stopped there for drinks or supper four times I believe. The food was amazing, the beautiful Cuban waitress was perfect. Ian speaks very fluent Spanish and when she asked him where he was from and he said Minnesota, she thought he said Venezuela..I'm telling you, the boy can speak some Spanish! We also found an Italian restaurant a block off Ocean Dr in a quieter section of the beach. Two of the things we ordered, they didn't have, and it still turned out to be a perfect experience. That really says a lot about a restaurant. The food was absolutely delicious and our great Italian waiter was just so relaxing. We then went to a tourist store and Ian got a Corona beach towel, and I got a Superman one :)...oh yeah...and some Heineken! We had fun in the sun...and drinks in the evening, it was more than I ever expected! Our last favorite restaurant was another Italian place in downtown with an outdoor patio that was more like a Jungle. I love it when you can be in the middle of a huge metro area and feel like you are in a jungle of the tropics.

We spent our last day driving to the Keys. The only downer was, by that time I was already so sunburned that we had to drive with the top up :( I can't express how beautiful the Keys are.....water like Windex! Ian got some great shots! We drove to Key West, which was a little too touristy for our taste, and drove home. In short....it was Amazing! I'm ready to live in the Keys

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Feb. 27th, 2006 | 08:09 pm

It's funny, the way we feel. I am feeling things that I thought I would feel...but in a very different circumstance. I went to Milwaukee with Ian this weekend. Ian has been having a very hard time for the past couple of years with being gay and the son of two Evangelical Christians. Saturday mid morning, Ian and I were laying in bed, and he was saying that his family would never accept him, his friends would never accept him. There are pictures in his room of his parents, and grandparents. After he was finished ranting he told me to please take down the pictures.

I said fuck no...we're going to Milwaukee, right fucking now. Within an hour and a half, we were on the road, taking in the 4.5 hour journey. Once in Milwaukee we stopped first at his grams house. Irene Campbell is a very strong, put together, wonderful woman of 80. This did not surprise me...she sent Ian a Dali Postcard....she is the one that would accompany Ian to the most seemingly inappropriate places for a grandmother. Including Fuel Cafe...an amazing coffee cafe that is a wonderful dive, and was voted number one place to smoke in Milwaukee.(Milwaukee Magazine) She promptly gave me a hug, and we chatted for about 15-20 minutes. Then came the dreaded meeting of the parents. Ian did not tell anyone he was coming, he wanted to surprise them. Mom and dad were amazing, very polite, instantly curious as to who I was. We introduced me as Ian's friend, but as the conversation progressed, it was obvious that the two of them knew who I really was. Dad was wonderful. We talked about literature, and English; University and teaching.(Ian's dad is a teacher) He was keeping a close, yet loving eye on Ian, trying to read him, and the way we interacted. Mother was in severe denial, asking me if I had any girlfriends. She remained very nice, offering us cheese and crackers and soda. We stayed at the parents for about an hour. when we left Ian asked if they knew....I knew he knew....but said yes....and they were very nice. His dad shook my hand and said that I was welcome back anytime...stressing the any. He meant it. He really liked me. I was so happy for Ian's sake....By this time Ian was still on edge a little but very happy. We proceeded to Fuel cafe to meet his friend Lisa. Amazing. We then traveled to the Astor Hotel...a hundred year old hotel where we would spend the night. His friend Alma and Joe came over. A fucking riot of a married couple...reminded me so much of Erin and Tim...amazing! We were all having an amazing time, we left for the bar and proceeded to meet all the people who meant so much to Ian. I couldn't help but tear up when one by one, all of Ian's friends came up to me when there was no one listening and told me that they had never seen Ian so happy and that I was the best thing that ever happened to him...then of course they all told me that if I hurt him, they would kill me :) Once we were all nice and drunk we went dancing....then to the hotel room for pizza and a lovely woman who came to our door and screamed "Shut The Fuck Up, MotherFuckers!" On sunday morning, we went to George Webb's to have breakfast. For most of the remainder of the day, Ian and I drove around the city and experienced and shared the most beautiful, innocent, perfect day.(This part I will omit...it belongs to us and no one else) We ended the trip with an early supper at Cafe Lulu with Lisa. We drove the 4.5 hours back to Minneapolis.

Ian and I grew much closer this weekend. I can say that it was in the top five most emotionally draining times I have experienced. I can't even begin to imagine what Ian is feeling. I do know that I love him very deeply, and I know he loves me. we have embarked on a very long journey. One that will take us places we have never been, but have always longed to be.

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Strange Supper

Feb. 21st, 2006 | 07:21 pm

I'm making supper tonight...it's turning out strange. I'm making Mushroom Stroganoff....mmmmmm. I have made Stroganoff twice before, both times with a different recipe, neither of which were my father's. Tonight, I was low on sour cream so I used a little heavy whipping cream. I also put in a smidge too much flour....One of the two made it a bit to ....well...it is a creamy gloop....it tastes good....just has strange consistency. Maybe it's the wine? Maybe I should actually get my fathers recipe and put it on a little note card so I can make it proper next time. I know I have written it down a few times. I think it's the wine :P

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Feb. 12th, 2006 | 11:53 am
mood: calmcalm
music: Travis - The Man Who

I hate Shakespeare.....or do I.....BOM BOM BOM....I think that I may be a lazy reader when it comes to Shakespeare. I realize that it is written in a different form of the English language, and I'm not very proficient in the poetry division. I discussed this with my Literature professor yesterday before we started reading Hamlet. My professor then started explaining ol' Willie like no one had before. I almost wanted to cry, then read all his plays at once. Needles to say, after Act I of Hamlet, I was barely able to stay in my seat, writhing with excitement. I could tell my professor was pleased...just an hour and a half earlier, I disliked the man. I have the habit of quitting things when I think they are too hard. I have to stop that. Especially in the arena of English, and Literature....I want to teach these things, I can't be afraid of them. I will have to teach Shakespeare and poetry....I love the fact that I get to choose what I teach...to an extent. I will read everything I have by the man this afternoon I believe...and really read into it...find all the funny, witty things I have missed before. Life is great, Ian is being a bit weird today...he is out of town...it's like clockwork. I love it though, he keeps me on my toes.

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what is the worst day of your life?

Feb. 2nd, 2006 | 06:39 pm

What is it? What can others compare it to? Is the worst day of your life when you end a sentence in a preposition? Or when you misspell a word? Can the worst day in your life, turn into the best day of your life? We all have the capacity to learn, and love, and lose. I believe that every day is what we make of it. Some days, we want to crawl under the table and give up, other days, we want to crawl under the table, but get up and stand for what we believe in, what we know at that moment, what is good for ourselves. Life cannot be one merry sting-a-long of happy times. Sometimes we have to endure things that take us from our daily routines and shake us. These shakes are what meld us into who we are. No one is perfect. No one lives the life that we imagine for ourselves as children. When we are children, we learn to aspire for the perfect life; do our parents wish to teach us every rule to a perfect life? No, they don't, because they don't have the answers to the perfect life. What they teach us are the morals and perception of their lives. Every day is a growth, some seem more important than others, but all are important, all are special. All are days of growth in which we live and breath

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(no subject)

Jan. 31st, 2006 | 07:45 pm

Today is Tim's birthday. I feel bad that I have no money to buy him anything...or eat....I detest money sometimes. I was finally cought up and found out that my liscence was suspended...for not paying a few tickets. I feel so white trash....it's rediculous. The worst part is that I don't have the money to pay my fines so I get to start riding the bus tomorrow...with the rest of the n'er do wells. Life has been very interesting lately. A lot is changing....I'm not always big on change. I am very much a creature of habit. I can ususally handle little changes, or one big change...but everything in my life is changing. I moved, I'm going to school, I'm changing jobs, I'm in a new and very frightening relationship. Yesterday it all cought up with me and I had a lovely little anxiety situation. As usual, I was able to talk myself down from the ledge :) Thank god I'm not the type of person to fall completely apart when things get stressful. I also realized that the changes happening in my life are for the best. I knew this...but it helps sometimes to tell yourself! I do love that nothing is easy. It's also nice to know that I can have a break from the stress from time to time...blah blah blah....I'm whining, I'll stop :P

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(no subject)

Jan. 24th, 2006 | 11:36 am

I received a message yesterday that my friends mother had died. I found the message a few days after it was written so I felt like a bit of a prick for not relying faster. Her mother, a lifelong non-smoker, had just lost a battle with lung cancer. I can't tell you as a smoker, how guilty this makes me. Of course, as when anyones mother dies I go back to my own experience with this. I told my friend that if she wanted to talk, I would be there for her, maybe give her a little perspective. Would I be able to give her anything useful? She is 27 years old, I was 8 when my mom died. It's interesting how you have nothing to say when things like this happen. What can you really say...unless you of course take the dramatic approach, but I haven't seen this friend in a long time, I just started speaking with her again after many years. No falling out, just lives taking people in different directions. I hate it when people die young. I hate when people die young and leave behind children so young. I can remember wishing that the neighbors mother had died instead. I had no idea what I was thinking. I once told my dad that I wished he had died instead. I'm glad that my friend is older, had a chance to get to know her mother as and adult, learn some of the reasoning behind her attitude. It always does make me go back and think about my dad and step moms mortality. Arrgghh. I hate this topic, it makes me into an inarticulate idiot, so I will close

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Shops of Distinction

Jan. 23rd, 2006 | 09:55 pm

Have you ever been to the Galeria mall in Edina? It is hilarious! I went with Erin and Tim for Christmas shopping at Tiffany & Co. .....meow....It's amazing, the looks you get whilst walking through a mall with large robin egg blue bags. People are so obsessed with these trivial things, me included. I'm a pretty simple person when it comes to these things....but....walking through a mall with huge fucking bags of tifanny is, well, fun. I was with a friend the other day, Ian. Ian is a lot like me in his sarcasm towards popular culture and society...we are elitist to the core. We drank all day, first of all. We started with Bloody Marys at the Independent...moved onto lunch and Beers at Old Chicago...which is terrible by the way...We finished ourouting at Cafe Barbette where we shared a chocolate desert with ice cream and had wine....it was such a homosexual day! We retired to Ian's house and proceded to drink wine. I am by no means a wine snob and have found that boxed red wine kicks so much ass it isn't even funny..plus it's 20 dollars for 34 glasses. Okay, we drank almost the entire box of wine, we laughed, we cried, we shared with one other some of our most intimate and guarded secrets. It's hard for me to explain the day, except to say that I am in lov with him. In reality, it may just be an infatuation, but I care not. If it is an infatuation, it can only grow into love. Ian is the most intense person I've met in a long time. I can laugh with him, joke with him, be serious with him. He isn't preoccupied with titles and rules, which I love. Anywho...this is getting way out of hand...the point I am trying to make...well it really isn't a point...jsut something that I find incredibly funny...Ian and I were drinking, half in the bag, and we kept saying...."The Galeria Mall....Shops fo Distinction." I am driving Bri mad at work, she doesnt find it very amusing...It just makes me laugh...I love it. I love that I met someone so cool....it's so relaxing....I'm havign a great time

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Pure Happiness

Jan. 18th, 2006 | 01:19 pm

What is happiness? Why are some things that make people happy are the very things that make other unhappy, or even disgusted? I have thought a lot about my last two years in Minnesota, especially in the last few weeks. I feel so fortunate for the things that have happened to me these last few years. Becoming so close with Erin and Tim was the first, and probably the one thing I hold most dear. I have spent these last few years dealing with the good, the bad and the ugly of life and have taken away from these things what I believe to be a true sense of happiness. My relationship with Christopher, left me in such a state that I wasn't sure how I would move on. I loved my time spent with Christopher, no matter how short the time and the constant struggle to find a balance with him. I learned a lot from him, regardless, and I hope he took something away from me as well. Getting fired from my job at the hotel...another experience that was none too pleasing. I had never been fired from a job, and this took me completely by storm. I was finally making something of my life and had real goals and aspirations. I made one silly mistake and the everything came crashing down around me. I took from this that I didn't want to be a corporate manager, I realized my life long wish to teach. Now I'm in college and loving it. The loss of my long ago friend Jessica. Although I hadn't spoken with her in about 7 years, I still felt the sadness very deeply. On to the wonderful things that I have experienced. I have met some of the most wonderful loving people in existence. Janalee, my precious roomate. She is one of the kindest people you will ever meet. Every thought in that girls head is about how to make others more comfortable...even if she wants to put pink curtains in our living room! Jeremy, my friend whom I just met, that grew up about a half hour away from me. Jeremy is such a sweet, neat guy. Bri, who I love dearly, but sometimes drives me mad, because she can be just as selfish as me. I have met people who stimulate me intellectually....Tim, Evan, Ian. People who do this for me make me thank god I was raised by my father, the intellectual, the philosopher. I have learned that there is no black and white in the sense of human emotion and nature. There is only grey areas and that is such a beautiful thing. You can grow up thinking, or forcing yourself to think that things can only happen if you use the right formula, just to find out that things don't happen always happen because of certain steps you take....things sometimes just happen. I have even learned to be thankful of the four years where I sat stagnant in Las Vegas. Vegas was a land of few true friends.

The point of this rambling is to say that I feel for the first time in a VERY long time, I am truly happy. I have a balance in my life that is working, I have many things to be thankful for, I am ecstatic about whats to come and dealing with lifes challenges and fortunes. I have so many people to thank for this and if I don't always say it, or express it well...please remember that I love you all very much!!

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